Some Hard Decisions

Our family has decided that my sister and I should be the ones to make the decisions regarding memorial services and what to do with my father’s possessions.

I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. There have been deaths in the family in recent years, my paternal great-grandmother and grandmother, and my maternal grandfather. But in those cases, they passed due to natural causes, and there was time to make peace, and say goodbye. And someone else had to make the hard decisions.

This is totally different. I did not get a chance to say goodbye. As hard as it was for me to see my grandmother lose her final battle with cancer, I at least got to hold her hand and tell her that I loved her. I’m never going to be able to do that with my father. I will eventually find a way to say goodbye, but I’m afraid that when I do, it’s going to be empty; there isn’t going to be the same feeling of completeness, or of resolution.

There are things that I wish I still had the opportunity to say to him, things that I wish I still had the opportunity to take back. I won’t be able to hug him ever again. I won’t be able to hear him say he’s proud of the man I’ve become ever again. I wont be able to call him someday to let him know he’s going to be a grandfather.

And it all changed so suddenly. So violently. He didn’t die because of a disease, or of old age. It wasn’t even an accident. Someone took his life. Someone stabbed him and left him on the side of the road over a few hundred dollars. I think that is what I’m having the hardest time dealing with right now.

I feel at a loss as to what to do. At a loss as to what to say to everyone who has called me in the last couple of days to offer their condolences and find out how I’m doing. I don’t have a good answer for them. I’m upset. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I don’t know how to articulate the thousands of thoughts, feelings, and memories that have been running through my head since I got the news that my father was killed. How do I explain to someone how it feels to suddenly be reminded of how much I loved my father, despite his imperfections, and to know that I’ll never be able to see him again? “I’m doing okay, considering the circumstances” doesn’t seem to cut it.

We’ve made one decision so far, but it was the easiest, and the most time sensitive. My father wanted to be cremated. My sister and I have told our aunt, (who lives in Fairbanks,) that we want to honor that wish. When the authorities are done with their investigation, she will inform them of our decision.

My sister is flying back from Chicago next week and we will be going to Redding to be with family and to try to make some more of the hard decisions.

More from the News-Miner

This time it’s an opinion piece that mentions my father.

[Spoilers] Consider the cabbies
Driving a taxi is a dangerous business, even in Fairbanks.

This week’s killing of driver Michael Belknap, the second cab driver killed in Fairbanks in recent years, brings home the vulnerability of the taxi driver. True, most fares give drivers little trouble. But Fairbanks drivers routinely deal with a seedier sort: with belligerent drunks, with people who suddenly don’t have the money to pay at their destination, with criminals.

A 1996 report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention makes it clear. Taxicab businesses had the nation’s highest rate of occupational homicide, at 41 per 100,000 for 1990 to 1992, up sharply from the previous study period of 1980 to 1989. The newer figure is nearly 60 times the national average. Robbery, as appears to be the case with the killing of Mr. Belknap, is often the primary motive.

The risk factors are all there: Cabbies work alone, work late, exchange money with the public, and often are called to out-of-the-way places. The operations manager for Eagle/Yellow Cab, the company for which Mr. Belknap was driving at the time of his killing, acknowledged the dangers of the business and said drivers know it, too.

The CDC has suggested some ideas for reducing homicides among cab drivers and workers in other high-risk professions. In Alaska, state law does not require any such protective measures, but the municipality of Anchorage acted a few years ago to improve taxi driver safety after three drivers were murdered in early 1998.

Anchorage municipal code requires that every cab have an emergency switch that an endangered driver can press to send a distress signal to his company’s dispatch center. In addition, each cab must have one of the following items: a Plexiglas partition between the front and rear seats, a global positioning system unit so that the company’s dispatch center knows the whereabouts of the taxi or a hidden camera that regularly takes and stores electronic images of activity inside the vehicle.

The system isn’t without its difficulties. The plastic partitions have proved too expensive, according to an Anchorage city official, since they do not transfer easily between vehicles. That’s a problem since taxis are often involved in accidents or in the shop for repairs. GPS units can be disabled by an attacker intent on a crime.

Even so, it’s something.

By comparison, Fairbanks has no such safety requirements. The city aims only to ensure the safety of the passenger by conducting background checks of those who have applied for a taxi license and by requiring annual updates of drivers.

Although requiring safety measures such as those Anchorage has implemented would be an added cost for Fairbanks taxi companies–perhaps even putting some out of business–the Fairbanks City Council should begin the discussion of imposing such requirements in this city.

City files show 485 people licensed to drive cab in Fairbanks. Mr. Belknap’s death leaves 484 who might want a safer cab. [/Spoilers]

You all know the drill by now, use the spoilers link above, or view the original article at the link below. In case you’re wondering about why I’m bothering to repost here if I’m just going to link to the original articles anyway, it’s because I want to make sure the text is still available. The News-Miner only guarantees articles will remain online for fourteen days.

Fairbanks Daily News-Miner – Fairbanks, AK

Man formally charged with taxicab stabbing

[Spoilers] By BETH IPSEN, Staff Writer
The Fairbanks man accused of killing a taxicab driver during a robbery Monday morning made his first court appearance Tuesday.
Jonathan Beiderbeck, 21, was charged with second-degree murder and first-degree robbery in connection with the stabbing death of Eagle Cab driver Michael Belknap, 53.

Alaska State Trooper Lt. Lee Farmer said a lab technician from the state crime lab in Anchorage is going over Belknap’s cab. Troopers said Belknap picked up Beiderbeck at the Tamarac Inn Motel at 4:15 a.m. and the stabbing occurred about 45 minutes later.

“As far as to where it actually occurred, we’re not ready to put something in stone on that yet,” Farmer said.

Court records said Beiderbeck told Belknap to take him to Henderson Road. Belknap’s body was discovered nearby, on the side of a dirt road at the intersection of Dome Road and Bluebird Avenue at 7:20 a.m.

Farmer said the technician is also trying to determine if the stabbing happened at Henderson Road or where the body was found.

According to a criminal complaint, Beiderbeck called for an cab with the intention of robbing the driver. Beiderbeck had Belknap drive him out to Henderson Road, where he robbed the man. Beiderbeck told the interviewing detective he stabbed Belknap in the chest and throat when the driver put up a fight.

He then dumped Belknap’s body, drove the red, white and blue Suburban to Geist Road, where he left the vehicle, and returned to the motel room.

He reported to police at 5:50 a.m. that he had been stabbed in the right bicep during a robbery behind Northgate Square. Police records said he claimed he was jumped by two men behind the mall. Police have not been able to substantiate Beiderbeck’s story.

The Suburban was recovered near Rebecca Drive at 10 a.m., troopers said.

Fairbanks police Detective Aaron Ring said a knife suspected of being the weapon was recovered when police searched the motel room where Beiderbeck was staying.

Ring said Beiderbeck admitted to stealing the knife during a recent robbery on Fairbanks International Airport property.

Airport Police Sgt. Karen Ebanez is still investigating that incident.

Ebanez said Vector Marketing Corp., a marketing industry that sells Cutco cutlery, reported July 7 that its offices had been burglarized. A couple of doors had been forced open, but Ebanez did not know the total value of the knives stolen.

Beiderbeck is being held at Fairbanks Correctional Center on $250,000 bail with third-party approval.

At his initial arraignment Tuesday, Beiderbeck had only one question.

“What are the requirements for third-party custodian?” Beiderbeck asked. [/Spoilers]

Inside the spoliers tags, you will find the text of a follow-up article regarding the circumstances of my father’s death. You can use the link above to read it, or you can use the link to the original article below.

Fairbanks Daily News-Miner – Fairbanks, AK

As you can imagine I’m a little pre-occupied with this. Most (if not all) of my blog entries tor the next few weeks will probably be centered on this. They won’t all just be reprints of news articles. I’ll try to write more about what I’m thinking and feeling — I’m just not ready to do that still.