6 thoughts on “Remembering”

  1. my dad’s been gone for 20 years, now.

    he’s *still* the first one i think of whenever i hear a good joke:
    ‘ i can’t wait to tell dad that joke. ‘ – oops. can’t. gone.


    i know -exactly- how you feel.

  2. *lexi mentions that she still talks to her mom even though her mom’s been dead for 3 1/2 years….


  3. That’s just the thing, I spent many of the last years he was with us *not* talking too him for one dumb reason or another, (or no reason at all other than distance) that I don’t talk to him much now either. I’m hoping to rectify some of that with my next few blog posts.

  4. that’d be one of the reasons i do still talk to my mom.

    the last year she was here, i was so wrapped up in taking care of Eli that he was our only topic of conversation. i *know* she love(s/d) me, and she *knows* i love(d) her, so it wasn’t something we talked about. nor did we talk about the ‘hey, i’ve always wondered why, during situation x, you chose to do y’ kinds of things. or the ‘i really felt like action z would have been better in situation m’ things. or the ‘tell me about your childhood’ things. etc. etc. etc.

    i was always so sure she’d be here with me as i was raising my kids, as all of my grandparents were (and even some of my great-grandparents), that i never even considered she might not ‘make it’. when the cancer came back, it was swift and it was vicious. there were less than two months between the time she discovered the lump in her neck and when she died. and even though i had come to realize that she was dying before any of the rest of my family even considered it (when you’re on a peds ward surrounded by children dying from acute liver failure, and you see those same symptoms in your parent, it’s pretty hard to miss), i was so involved with Eli that i honestly couldn’t take care of everything we’d left undone/unsaid between us.

    Edited on Jul 18th 2006, 10:38 by frostedlexicharm

  5. y’know…
    you’d still miss the old boy – even if you had a wonderful relationship.

    A – when somebody old dies and you miss them, it’s either:
    1 – the relationship you had.
    2 – the relationship you should’ve had.

    B – when somebody young dies and you miss them, it’s either:
    1 – the relationship you had.
    2 – the relationship you would’ve had.

    i’ve experienced all instances…

    it’s best to be in the first category.
    it’s more difficult to be in the second.

    i try real hard not to carry around any guilt in the case of the second. instead, i try to make sure i have no reason to feel that same way with anyone else i’m close to.

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